Proverbs 5:3 "For the lips of an immoral woman drip honey..."

Lately, I have had numerous conversations with girls and guys about the effects of dating in their lives. Being around mostly single 20 somethings, it is bound to come up. I've also questioned this aspect of my life numerous times, because the Lord has had some interesting twists and turns for me. (I've since resolved this with Him, by faithfully pledging to remain single and without a mindset of pursuit throughout my last year of college, meaning no dates, no cuddle buddies, no sloppy nights out, or friendships that aren't strictly platonic. We're shelving that for a while.)

But I've found it difficult to point my friends to the right path, since I myself have not been perfect. A few of them have said, "I just really want someone to casually hang out with, cuddle with, and have as a companion," or "What's the harm in just kissing someone?" They are trying to find loopholes in the nagging convictions they feel when they're careless, and this is something we've all done. When posed with these questions, I found myself at a loss for words. The Lord says that those wonderful perks are blessedly given to those that do so while following Him, when the motivation for the relationship is rooted in a faithfulness to God. This, of course, doesn't sit well for people that are used to finding people in bars or in very superficial situations. Then yesterday I read Proverbs 5 which is all about adultery (not just in marriage) and essentially pokes holes in every one of these protests and loopholes. It shines light on the excuses we come up with to rationalize our behaviors and make them okay. He calls us on our crap...

My son, pay attention to my wisdom;
Lend your ear to my understanding,
² That you may preserve discretion,
And your lips may keep knowledge.
³ For the lips of an immoral woman drip honey,
And her mouth is smoother than oil;
⁴ But in the end she is bitter as wormwood,
Sharp as a two-edged sword...

The passage continues to lay out exactly how immoral actions lead to death, that's it, and if you're questioning the behavior, it is probably immoral. But I like the analogy between lips that appear to drip honey, sensually sweet and delicious, and the true bitterness of wormwood that they actually possess. There's a juxtaposition of appearance and truth here, and that is important. Satan takes a little piece of truth and makes it false, yet in so doing, it is understandable to us and easily infiltrating. So I ask that when posed with the lips that drip honey, you see them for bitter wormwood, and trust that when the Lord wants you to see true honey, He'll make it obvious.

When faced with questions personally and from friends, I hope to have the strength and boldness to speak up and not allow the issue to be sugar-coated and made palatable. I sent this verse to a few of my friends, and was pleasantly amazed with the responses. Most of them expressed how "funny" or "weird" the coincidence of the text was, but that's how God works. I felt encouraged to continue to help light the Lord's path of righteousness for those the find their paths dimmed or darkened by struggle and questioning, and in doing so, continue to strengthen my resolve in this area and my relationship with Him. I'm grateful also that I've got this passage in my pocket the next time the questions are asked.

Strawberry Swing - Coldplay

"Alright, Lord, I get it...I get it. It's all yours."

I've been trying to find a quote which encapsulates fallen humanity, but have been unsuccessful. I was hoping to find an eloquent way to say that because of our idols, our spiritual battles, and our own free will, we humans are extremely foolish. I know that I need to be smacked around a bit by God before I get the hint. I tend to fall on my face two or three or nine or ten times before I realize what I'd been staring at all along and listen to the Lord.

There are few things that interfere and obscure my relationship with the Lord like my idols, and I have a nasty habit of listening to my own stupid interpretations of meaning in them. Despite my intense love of the Lord, and my joy in living the life He planned for me, I messed up. Yet again, I fell and bruised myself on the my distractions, and again, He picked me up, brushed me off and asked, "Are you finally ready to do things my way?"

I have never in my life felt conviction in a physical way like I did then, my face flushed, red hot, and my anxiety went through the roof. This was no longer a small loving nudge in the right direction toward Him. This was a full-on scolding, complete with timeout and punishment. God was not happy with me and He wasn't being quiet about it. His aforementioned question wasn't really a question, but a strong expression of control. He has this, and I have got to take a backseat. "Alright, Lord, I get it...I get it. It's all yours."

I've never felt so taken care of, than in that moment of complete and total surrender. Not only was He extremely unhappy with me, but even then in that anger, He loved me enough to take everything in my life and work it out for me. I can relinquish control and things will turn out better, and for a worrier like me that's enormous. Even in the last week, I have a renewed focus. My relationship idol is no longer in the picture, it's truly gone. The Lord has filled me with my long-lost creativity and a desire for experience in everything. I've never written so much as in the last week. I'm blown away because the calm that I felt wash over my heart, was one that I've never experienced before. Thankfully a week later, it's still there. I'm still calm and content, and ardently expectant of the awesome and shattering next moves He'll make in my life, in my heart. I'm so blessed to have a Father like Him.

Catch the Wind by Donovan

LOVE.

Over the last two weeks, I haven't felt compelled to write anything. I've failed at the basic tenet of Circles, composing one post a week. I tend to have quiet personal conversations with the Lord, and am more comfortable in that alone, rather than with sharing His work in public. This is I'm sure why He brought me to Circles, to be more open in my faith, and I'm trying, but things are slow.

Four days after I turned 18 (more than three years ago), I got a tattoo on my ribs. It is a verse that I've loved since I was 14, so I figured it'd be something that could be with me forever and a tattoo would be a great daily reminder. It looks like this...

Again, I got this three years ago, but because of the spot it's in, it stays hidden to the public and myself. It isn't a small tattoo either, but I always forget I have it. Yet, I haven't felt God pointing at it more than now.

Also, I've been writing the same lyrics on my wrist every day for the last two weeks, because they speak to me so much: "Love it will not betray you, dismay or enslave you, it will set you free..."

Hmmmm... Is He trying to tell me something?

Last month, God put the word PATIENCE on my heart, and right now He's added another. Everywhere I look, it seems, this word is in my face, and that word is LOVE. This word is hefty in all its meanings and applications, and I'm looking forward to how God uses it in my life, but the first way I think He's doing that is through forgiveness. I have a habit of giving people second and third chances, then writing them off completely, particularly in matters of loyalty and trust. As the phrase goes: fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me... and the worst thing a person can do in my eyes, is talk negatively about me behind my back, particularly since it always gets back to me anyway. But writing people off, or limiting our forgiveness is not what God calls us to do. We're supposed to love until we're exhausted, blue in the face, and not just love the people that deserve it, but those that don't.

Sigh No More by Mumford & Sons

Jekyll and/or Hyde

How do we resolve two prominent aspects of our personalities, when one seems to conflict with the kind of life the Lord has laid out for us? This week I've definitely felt the pull of my conflicting persona, I'll say. What I'm talking about is not some personality disorder, but a natural conflict of humane desires and interests which conflict with God's sanctioned behavior. I've realized that I have two sides to myself. One is sweet, shy, loving, practical, cautious and enjoys spending a night curled up at home with a movie. The other is loud, sarcastic, confident, spontaneous and prefers to go out to an awesome rock concert. The difficulty I'm finding is that the second persona is so much fun and uninhibited, but it can get and has gotten me into trouble. The quieter one is much safer, but also way boring. I know that this quieter one is the more conventionally Christian of the two personas, but my issue lies in that both are parts of me, parts of who God made me to be as a woman. I'm finding difficulty keeping my louder persona in my new life with God. I don't want to lose that me, but I want it to fit better.

Also, I've decided to put a song at the end of each of my posts that reflects where I'm at, or just what I've been listening to... drum roll please...

Barton Hollow by The Civil Wars

Heavy Loads

Come to me, all of you who are tired from carrying heavy loads, and I will give you rest. -Matthew 11:28

This personally poignant verse found me today. It's easy to carry our baggage, our troubles, our pains around with us. I even take on other people's stuff so that they don't need to go carry it all alone. But lately I've felt spread very thin by my stuff, so much so that it is difficult for me to help others with theirs. It is important to remember that God will help us in our burdens, even shoulder them for us, and He'll allow us rest, even at the times when sleep feels absolutely unattainable.

Culturalist to Restorer... Fingers crossed

How amazing was last night's service??!!? Firstly, the worship music was so perfect and I just felt like it was the most personally powerful and focused worship I've participated in in a long time.

The message of restorers, culturalists, and separatists spoke to me so much because I'm so guilty of being a culturalist! Quite frankly, it's a lot easier for me to just got with the flow of those around me, to a degree. But, it's been weighing on me how chicken I am to become a restorer, because most of the people in my life are not believers. So that distinct difference is magnified. I find myself searching for the right ways to bring about God in a way that doesn't alienate them from me. I've tried to live the right way (and failed at times), and hoped that in setting a good example, my friends and others would ask me about it. But that's not the right way either, because as someone said during yesterday's meeting, if you're in love with someone you want to do a happy dance and tell everyone about that person. So being in love with the Lord, why then do I hide my faith or minimize it??

I'm so grateful for the opportunities through Circles to get involved, and I'm praying that maybe through this introduction to discipleship, I'll get the push I need to really share my love of the Lord.

Joshua 1:9

I recently finished a book called Captivating by John and Stasi Eldrege, and girls, if you haven't read this book, you need to! It's about women's relationship with God, and how women have one inherent question instilled in them at birth, that we spend our whole lives trying to get answered. The question is "Am I captivating?" (hence the book's title). As little girls we twirl around, or sing to anyone who'll listen, as I did, or show off in some other way, all asking for validation of this question. It is why we, as women, want to feel like Cinderella to someone.

This book could not have entered my life at a more poignant time (as this stuff always works out that way) because after some bumps on the road, including a breakup. I felt lost, that I was missing those who once validated my question, so to speak. I was angry and sad, and honestly pissed at God for putting these hard times in my path, but a friend of mine reminded and reassured me that everything was according to His plan, that there would be a purpose for this. He urged me not to turn away from God, but turn to Him, and read Joshua 1:9:

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”

Little by little I've feel like I'm beginning to understand the reason for my "bumps." He took away my distractions from Him, and left me with the only things that matter, my family and His love. Now, my validation comes from being a child of God. He's answered my question.

The First One

I have to say I was a little apprehensive about whether or not I'd have much to say. I wanted my first post to be a profound and triumphant beginning to what will surely be an unbelievable session with Circles. I was afraid to disappoint any expectant readers. This English major has nothing to write!!! How backwards is that??

Sooooo.....I prayed about it, and I realized that my fears in and of themselves were superficial, and quite frankly stupid. That in my "lack of profound Biblical insight," I was attempting to fit into a mold or template, that I wanted my post to fit into how a faith-based post SHOULD be. Just like how I thought my journey with God SHOULD be.

Here's the catch though... the word "SHOULD" (here's my English major peeking through) doesn't have a place here. There is no true template for how this post should look, just like there is not true template for how prayer is supposed to be conducted, or how worship songs have to be sung. This got me thinking, there is not true template for how your relationship with God is supposed to be either. Each and every relationship with God is different. The relationship that He pursues with one person is going to be different from the relationship He pursues with you, and with me.

To say this was an epiphany might be stretching it, and I understand that for many this is elementary knowledge, but this realization released me to write exactly how I wanted to. Hope I didn't disappoint...