Over the last two weeks, I haven't felt compelled to write anything. I've failed at the basic tenet of Circles, composing one post a week. I tend to have quiet personal conversations with the Lord, and am more comfortable in that alone, rather than with sharing His work in public. This is I'm sure why He brought me to Circles, to be more open in my faith, and I'm trying, but things are slow.
Four days after I turned 18 (more than three years ago), I got a tattoo on my ribs. It is a verse that I've loved since I was 14, so I figured it'd be something that could be with me forever and a tattoo would be a great daily reminder. It looks like this...
Again, I got this three years ago, but because of the spot it's in, it stays hidden to the public and myself. It isn't a small tattoo either, but I always forget I have it. Yet, I haven't felt God pointing at it more than now.
Also, I've been writing the same lyrics on my wrist every day for the last two weeks, because they speak to me so much: "Love it will not betray you, dismay or enslave you, it will set you free..."
Hmmmm... Is He trying to tell me something?
Last month, God put the word PATIENCE on my heart, and right now He's added another. Everywhere I look, it seems, this word is in my face, and that word is LOVE. This word is hefty in all its meanings and applications, and I'm looking forward to how God uses it in my life, but the first way I think He's doing that is through forgiveness. I have a habit of giving people second and third chances, then writing them off completely, particularly in matters of loyalty and trust. As the phrase goes: fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me... and the worst thing a person can do in my eyes, is talk negatively about me behind my back, particularly since it always gets back to me anyway. But writing people off, or limiting our forgiveness is not what God calls us to do. We're supposed to love until we're exhausted, blue in the face, and not just love the people that deserve it, but those that don't.
Sigh No More by Mumford & Sons
Hooo, you are speaking into my soul right now. I even had to put on Mumford at the reading of those lyrics. I really get your frustration with forgiveness. I have to applaud you at even the second or third chance, I usually burn bridges at screw up number one. I even sometimes do it when I mess up because I believe it's impossible for someone to actually forgive me. But this idea of loving to exhaustion is true, and it is something I struggle and stretch in. How can I possibly Love people that hurt me? How can I love people that annoy me? How can I love those that stand violently against what I believe to be true? I can't...but I know Christ can through me, because He did before and does even now. All my hope lies in Him for that. Great post Amanda, thank you for sharing, it def hit a chord with me.
ReplyDeleteYour post was really encouraging! After reading your post I was encouraged by the fact that you want to love people, even those who do not deserve it. I know that for me personally, that is something I struggle with. I loved how you touched on forgiveness. God is a forgiving God and that is why we need to be forgiving like Him. Thanks again for sharing your thoughts I really enjoyed reading and learning from your post.
ReplyDeleteAmanda, have I said you're awesome lately? Because you are =) Loving people like God loves them is one of the hardest things we could ever do. I completely understand your struggle. I can give people second and third chances, but once I start feeling really hurt, I have a hard time loving. I know Christ loves regardless. I think it's awesome that you are striving to be more like Him =) And I love that we all get to learn about loving Christ more, loving others more, and being more like Him together.
ReplyDeleteAh, I had missed this! Amanda, you seriously are rad. We need to hang out. And this post... well, first off you've got the Sons mentioned, so you're pretty much starting out on an excellent foot ; )
ReplyDeleteBut seriously, how amazing is that song? "Love, it will not betray you dismay or enslave you, it will set you free... Be more like the man you were made to be. There is a design, and alignment, a cry of my heart to see, the beauty of Love as it was made to be." AHH. That just grabbed me the first time I heard it, because I think that it feels like "love" here on earth has done all of those things to me (dismayed, enslaved, betrayed), and yet that's not what Love is. The world is craving the beauty of Love as it was made to be, and Christ has called us to be the living examples of it! We're imperfect and we've corrupted things, but how amazing that we are pursued by a relentless, perfect Love that soothes are fears! That is beyond wonderful.
But then WE'RE called to show that love in this broken world that's desperate for us, and often times that goes against our natural reactions of anger or hurt or fear. You're right, love isn't the fluffy rainbow-filled easy "feeling" that the world sometimes labels it as: as Dorothy Day said, "Love is a harsh and dreadful thing to ask of us, but it is the only answer." And our human strength, it's impossible no matter how much we strive. I heard someone say in a message the other day that instead of asking God to teach us or help us do things, we need to pray that it's Himself instead of us that lets us love as He does.. it is awesome that you're striving to answer God's call, and it's inspiring and encouraging to me. I love how you just get right to the heart of something and nail it!
Also, I love that verse : ) Thank you for sharing, woman!